Entry #26: Annapurna

There's something to be said about the effect theatre can have on a person's thoughts and views of mortality. Tonight, what I thought might have been an evening of semi-sit commish dramedy, ended up stopping me in my tracks. An effect that often takes an entire chorus was achieved with just two people. Twists, turns, raw emotions, a conversation, self-indulgence, reflection, nudity, and boundless and beautiful language; in essence: life.

It made me think of my life and how Pippin-esque it often is; of how I worry and am careless; of how I value and devalue life and its many aspects at times; of how I can shut people out and yet want to let them in so badly; of how I've made both good and bad choices; of how I have, perhaps, lost touch in many ways.

Every person's theatre experience is different. Mind you, I did not attend the show alone, but the show rendered me silent our entire walk out of the theatre and back to the Port Authority.

Maybe I get too attached when I see a film or a piece of theatre, maybe I get too emotionally invested, but why not go there? Is it safe or sane? Probably not entirely. Perhaps it will have long lasting effects. Perhaps it already has, though I seriously doubt I'll find myself estranged from a wife and child and living in solitude in a crowded, dirty, ant-infested single-wide at the foothills of a mountain in Montana.

At times I am lost,

Confused, 

Stuck.

I am at a crossroads.

But I fear I will not be for too much longer.

The road behind was less than easy and I am certain the road ahead will be anything but. Grant me strength, grant me peace.

Love,

Hopeful Berger

Entry #25: Superman

MIND BLOWN! HIGH SCHOOL THEATRE IS BULL****!

Or at least that's the gist of what I interpreted from a recent dialogue I had.  It made me furious and subsequently raised a lot of questions: 

-Where is the education in a school's theatre program if risks can't be taken as far as what production is chosen (ie. Something mainstream vs. something more obscure)? 

-Why don't parents and school boards understand that they should trust that those who they've put in charge of their programs know what would be beneficial to their students?

-Why does the general public expect only popular shows to be done in schools and why are people afraid and/or skeptical of anything that is off the beaten path?

-If theatre is a business, why don't people do more alongside the students to help a show reach its goal?

The list goes on.

My mission as a high school theatre director is (and possibly was), to make things fun and educational for the students as well as expand their knowledge of theatre in as many ways as I can which, for me, starts with the choice of show.   When I go about choosing a piece I'd like to work on, I consider all of its potential aspects from design, to music, to choreography, to type of show, and so on.  Once I compile my list of potentials, I then begin to whittle my choices, nitpicking at each aspect and trying to decide its feasibility.  Most recently, it took me a span of about two months to compile and whittle my list of about 60 shows to 3.  I can guarantee that other directors my age do not take their considerations to such lengths. 

Keep in mind, I've only known a majority of my students for about a year and I'm already this intense about catering to their strengths and weaknesses.  Now, I understand that not all students may want to get into theatre outside of school, and maybe some consider it just something they like to do after school.  Personally, I'm ok with that but I still want them to get the most out of their experience and walk away having learned something, just as I wanted when I was in high school and college.  Don't get me wrong, there is definitely educational value in plenty of mainstream musicals and plays, but there are only so many that are appropriate for the high school level and therefore sometimes you just need to resort to something different. Sometimes the public needs to be shown that there are many great works out there beyond the few popular ones we all know and love.

continued on A5

MIND BLOWN, continued from A2

This whole process has started changing who I am as a person.  It has sparked many new aspirations:  

"Demand respect from those around you.  Don't be wishy-washy.  Be more assertive.  Find a balance.  Make people see why they should trust you.  Know what you want.  If you believe in something strongly enough, don't take no for an answer."

I suppose this stemmed from a history of wanting things but not being assertive enough to make them happen and as a result having people impose their opinions on me, walk all over me, and make me question my abilities.  Guess what? Times have changed.  I am willing to stand up for myself and for what I believe and I am more than willing to help inspire changes in things that aren't the way they should be.  I definitely don't anticipate this being an easy task, but believe me, this is only the beginning.

I may not get what I want this year, but eventually I will.  If I don't, they'll lose me, plain and simple.  Am I easily replaceable?  Sure... but they'll never BE me.

More on this story as it develops.

- C.K.

Entry #24: Hanging wash

I feel extremely brittle today.  As I hear the world bustle about, business as usual, I feel as isolated as ever. It used to be 'go out and slap on a smile, no one will know and maybe you'll at least brighten someone else's day.'  Not as easy as of late.

It seems my ears are a little more sensitive today; maybe I'm just more appreciative than I used to be of what's around me. Maybe I just like the sound of shoes and paws on the wet ground just after the snow has melted.

I've been quiet a long time and lately I've fallen into a slump.  I just let the world happen around me instead of seeking my own changes.  Having no job doesn't help the situation; it really takes the wind out of your sails. And that's only one aspect.  But no matter what good old depression is there with open arms, despite my reluctance to accept it.

Though I know life isn't all bad and I know there are people in my life who care, there is still plenty to worry about, both superficial and not.   Maybe, hopefully, something good will come my way soon to help my out of this...whatever this is.

And to think, all of these thoughts could occurr while hanging wash...

Entry #23: ISO Ramona Flowers

Earning the Power of Love
(Haiku)
I would fight for you,
Your seven evil exes,
Turning them to coins.


Subspace Highway
(Limerick)
Your skates,
Your hair,
The cold night air,
Almost dancing,
Most entrancing,
Deliv'ry girl, so fair.


"Dude, she's totally real!!"
(Lyric)
Saw you in the party crowd,
Knew I had to meet you,
I approach, crushed cup in hand,
Awkwardness abound,

At a loss for words; bereft,
Asked you, "Am I dreaming?"
Crickets, silence, said goodbye,
Stalked you 'til you left.


"Seven...little kisses?"
(Free-verse)
In my dreams I lie awake in a barren desert wasteland.
A comforting illusion, you appear, slipping past;
Worries vanish as the dark transitions to light.

You don't know what you do to me, pulling on these heart strings.
Love: the L-word I can't pronounce, lingers on my tongue, full of desperation.
Anything, I would do for you, me vs. the world;
Trials and tribulations.

Seven evil exes slain, and our journey's only just begun.
The future holds uncertainty, for its grasp is wound in mist;
Hand in hand, a snowy door opens - I think,
Adventure leads to clarity.

You've your baggage and I have mine; a new spin on an old tale.
Holding you in my arms, what can be said?
Nothing really matters in the end but the truth:
"I'm in lesbians with you."

 - Vince

Entry #22: untitled.

Hello again.
I will start with this:

"Cellophane shoulda been my name, Mr. Cellophane..."

At one point or another in one's life, I am sure most people can relate to Amos Hart, the reigning underdog in Chicago, as he croons this melancholy tune, lamenting his unnoticed existence and his overwhelming feeling of unimportance.  Unfortunately, I, too, have adopted this mindset as my own over the past year or so and here is [partially] why:

There is no feeling quite like loneliness, and do not misunderstand; I have plenty of friends.  I am thankful every day knowing that there are at least a few people willing to share a pleasant conversation with me; that is not my issue.  Call me selfish, but I would love something more than that.  Some say it is best to wait and just let things happen as they will and someone will eventually come along.  No matter how sound the advice may be, it does not negate the fact that the heart still yearns.

It has been nearly a year and a half since my last relationship.  Since then I have incited a string of unsuccessful attempts where I thought I could potentially connect with others on a similar level.  Alas, it ultimately was to no avail (for various reasons), but boy, what a year-ish that was.  

Maybe I try too hard.

Maybe I worry too much.

Maybe I am afraid.

Maybe it is simply not my time.

Maybe I am not desirable to most in that manner.

But I am me and I just want to love.

I know I am not perfect by any means, but is it too much to ask for some genuine interest from someone I feel a connection to that is something beyond attraction?  All I can do is hope for the best in the future, as I always do.  Sometimes it seems like all I do is hope; it becomes tiring rather rapidly.

*sigh*

Best.

V.

P.S. - I promise lighter blogs in the future.

Entry #21: Continuity, Repetitiousness, Originality

Something poetic, something pathetic...

This year is a big year for me.  May 2012 will mark my tenth year of doing theatre.  A whole decade. It seems like just yesterday I was the quiet, shy kid in the ensemble for Meet Me In St. Louis, learning about blocking for the first time.  Now, ten years and nearly forty productions later, I have experienced so many aspects of theatre, from performance to technical to management to direction, with so many companies and so many memorable people.  Theatre, for me, is a metaphor for facets of my life; for things inherent in me, and as a result of doing so.

Theatre is...
My sense of self.
My sense of community.
My confidence.
My expression.
My true identity.
My worth, to myself and others.
My escape.

Me.

Speaking of theatre... Here is my obligatory 

Theatre News:

A Night on Broadway.

The benefit performance I mentioned last post went very well.  Would I do it again? I am not sure.  That is not necessarily a reflection on the organization itself, I am just weighing the pros and cons besides the obvious, "It's for a good cause," which it was.  Possibly more on that at a later date.

Chicago, on the other hand...

...I could not be happier with.  I went from feeling like such an outsider to feeling like I am accepted by most, in just five rehearsals.  It is a weird animal, meeting new people.  Though I love it, I am almost always plagued with a certain sense of judgement I feel from others, regardless of intention.  If nothing else, I am expecting an amazing production and maybe even a few new friends.  Everyone is really nice, very fun, and seemingly quite supportive; people I would love to be associated with.  Hopefully they will think the same of me. 

*fingers crossed.*

"Toy Box Rock" Isn't All Play

Credit: J. Szuchyt

I am happy to announce that ChikënFist had an incredibly productive meeting the other night and subsequently several plans are now in the works.  Not much can be made public at this time about future events, releases, etc. but I can say two large steps have been taken: ChikënFist now has an official email account and YouTube channel.  I will also say to take note of April; that will be a very significant time for us.  More news will be released as it develops, but continue to check our Facebook page and our BRAND NEW YouTube channel to keep up to date!

Official email: chikenfistmusic@gmail.com

Adventures in Unemployment:

I am still in pursuit of a job.  I have applied to several places, including Pizza Como, a few Craigslist ads, LV Health Network and St. Luke's Hospital.  If there is one thing I dislike about the application process, much like auditions, is the wait one must endure in hopes of a response.  In my travels, I even considered applying here:

in an attempt of having an interesting story to add to my resume, but as soon as I opened the front door and observed that I would have to be buzzed in by the attendant inside who I could see beyond the enclosed plexiglass foyer area I quickly realized that this might not be the most desirable (or safe) place of employment for me at this juncture.

I think that will do for the time being, but I am overdue for a more frivolous, fun blog... maybe something with teacups...

One for love. Love for all.
Vince

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Things I did while writing this post:
- Listened to Etta James' "Welcome to the Jungle"
- Updated my website
- Listened to my 'Starred' and "90s Smash Hits" playlists on Spotify
- Sipped some iced tea
- Lounged, awaiting inspiration to write
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Entry #20: New year, new post

...and boy is it going to be a long one.  There are so many instances to mention since the last substantial blog, but I'll keep this post brief so I can move on to new material.

Theatre News:

Bye Bye Birdie

In December I was in a production of Bye Bye Birdie where I played the role of Albert Peterson.  I had a lot of fun with the role, especially knowing that I was following in the footsteps of the legendary Dick Van Dyke, but the production posed a number of challenges; for one, I have never tap danced before.  Overall, it was an interesting experience because it has been quite some time since I have worked with a cast that included both adults and kids, not to mention this was also my first experience with another new theatre company, Stagemakers at the J, and this was their first production with a cast of all ages.  

Also in December...

1. I went to see Jukebox the Ghost for the first time with some friends at Union Transfer in Philadelphia and I got to meet them!

Jukebox the Ghost

2. I got my first tuque for Christmas from my aunt Sue.

Like it?  It's really warm. :3

3. I treated myself to two gifts for Christmas:

The Muppet Show - Season One

and Dominion's newest expansion, Hinterlands, for which I documented the un-boxing:

4. ChikënFist's first EP was released!

Here is the track listing:

1. The Prelude

2. The Stock Market (and Boobs)

3. If You Want to Take the First Step

4. Killer Tofu (The Beets cover)

5. Christmas of Want [Adolescent Lament]

So far we have had nearly thirty sales of the EP and we currently have over eighty fans on Facebook.  This may not seem like much, but the process of writing, recording, and eventually releasing a finished product that people ACTUALLY want to own is exhilarating to an artist.  Being our first actual release, we made a deal to those who wished to place a preorder: the first 25 preorders would receive a signed copy of the EP which would also including an original drawing of their choice.  Here is what some of them came up with... this calls for a PHOTOBLOG!  Enjoy!

5. I held my second and final party of the year: New Year's Eve.

This year was unlike other years; I kept the guest list to a minimum.

The evening was not crazy, I was not overwhelmed with a list of tasks to complete, everyone was responsible and I was stress free. [sigh of relief]  One could only cross his fingers and hope that this was a sign of how the new year would be. 

So that pretty much wraps up 2011.

Now onto the

Here and Now:

I finally added a Store to my website!

Check it out

Never-ending theatre news:

Currently, I am involved with two more projects:

The first is a benefit performance for the JCC of Allentown which is being held on the 21st of this month. A selection of show tunes will be showcased that night by both kids and adults and I will be featured throughout.

The second is a production of Kander & Ebb's classic musical, Chicago.  This will be my second time working with this director, but my first time working with the theatre company at Cedar Crest College.  This production premieres in late February.  Check my website HERE for more details.

One more thing...

I do not know how I feel about the significance of New Year's resolutions, but for some reason the turnover to this year really made me think.  Maybe it had to do with the desire to relieve myself of the emotional funk that I had constantly found myself weaving in and out of for over a year; maybe it is my fear of complacency or more importantly my fear of the future and where my life will lead.
This year I made a resolution: simply put, be happier, be more motivated, and be more optimistic.  No matter where I go in life I will make the best of it.  No matter how unsure my path is for the future, I will face it, unafraid.  Although I may not change others, let alone the world, I will forever utilize (at least some of) Gandhi's wisdom in being the change I wish to see in the world.
After all, who is going to love and accept me for everything I am and do if I do not?

Another year, reborn; older, wiser, stronger.
Here, it begins.

To the new year.

One for love. Love for all.
Vince

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Things I did while waiting for inspiration followed by the subsequent writing of this post:

- Drank chai

- Looked through the YouTube videos on my channel

- Finished watching The Muppets Season One

- Watched Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

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