I will start with this:
"Cellophane shoulda been my name, Mr. Cellophane..."
At one point or another in one's life, I am sure most people can relate to Amos Hart, the reigning underdog in Chicago, as he croons this melancholy tune, lamenting his unnoticed existence and his overwhelming feeling of unimportance. Unfortunately, I, too, have adopted this mindset as my own over the past year or so and here is [partially] why:
There is no feeling quite like loneliness, and do not misunderstand; I have plenty of friends. I am thankful every day knowing that there are at least a few people willing to share a pleasant conversation with me; that is not my issue. Call me selfish, but I would love something more than that. Some say it is best to wait and just let things happen as they will and someone will eventually come along. No matter how sound the advice may be, it does not negate the fact that the heart still yearns.
It has been nearly a year and a half since my last relationship. Since then I have incited a string of unsuccessful attempts where I thought I could potentially connect with others on a similar level. Alas, it ultimately was to no avail (for various reasons), but boy, what a year-ish that was.
Maybe I try too hard.
Maybe I worry too much.
Maybe I am afraid.
Maybe it is simply not my time.
Maybe I am not desirable to most in that manner.
But I am me and I just want to love.
I know I am not perfect by any means, but is it too much to ask for some genuine interest from someone I feel a connection to that is something beyond attraction? All I can do is hope for the best in the future, as I always do. Sometimes it seems like all I do is hope; it becomes tiring rather rapidly.
*sigh*
Best.
V.
P.S. - I promise lighter blogs in the future.
